Last night I got in a bit of a tiff with my husband. The actual initiator of the fight is pretty unimportant, but the underlying theme was: “You just don’t get what I’m going through. I know you can’t really see it, but I’m pregnant and I need you to take care of me.”
I guess the reality is that this is something that has been bothering me and it was bound to manifest in the first possible way. It started because the first week we found out we were pregnant, I was telling my husband about some of my symptoms and he made some comment like, “Do you think maybe it’s not that bad and you’re just looking to feel something?” He apologized right away, but no matter what, I couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt like he was thinking it all the time.
Some other little things that helped to develop my, “you think I’m faking it” complex:
- “When you’re pregnant, we should…” – I had to quickly remind him that I AM pregnant…
- Normally my husband is a total nurturer and takes care of me in all of my neediness… but lately, he’s seemed a little distant.
- My husband asked me how far along I was the other day. I told him, “6 weeks and 5 days… doesn’t it feel like I should be further along?” To which he replied: “No, I feel like it’s going really quick. Last time I thought about it, you were only 5 weeks pregnant.” Now, I’m sure he didn’t mean last time he thought about the baby… but still. It’s been almost 2 weeks since you thought about the baby’s progress???
Anyway, in my anger, I needed to talk to someone who had recent experience to see if my husband was being a total dud, or if it was normal for it to feel like he just wasn’t getting it… so, I called my sister, who has two kids (almost 2 and almost 4). Turns out, based on my sister’s experience, her friends’ and the Internet… this is pretty darn common. I guess it makes sense. From the exhaustion to the nausea to the bloating to the headaches, I think (and worry) about this baby non-stop, every day. But for my husband, he doesn’t have any of that. His biggest reminder is a bitchy or whiny wife and I’m sure that’s hard to source to the baby at times.
So, I spoke with the hubs and simply reminded him that we are already parents. I am a mom. My job is to sacrifice my wants to care for this child and give it everything it needs… and my only way of doing that is by taking care of myself. And my husband is a dad. His job, as it will be when this baby is born, is to take care of the baby and the momma and provide for us. His only way of doing that right now is by supporting and taking care of me.
It seemed to resonate. So much so, that the husband sent me to bed while he cleaned up after our guests and I woke up to this silly little note in the bathroom…
“I love you because… you don’t hold grudges 🙂 “
AND… if our chat wasn’t enough, I sent him this great blog post I came across last night: Read it here! Hopefully between the two, things will click and we can go back to being on the same page.
My biggest symptom has been exhaustion. This has been SERIOUS, head-to-toe exhaustion. I have been getting at least 8 or so hours of sleep – and very, very hard sleep at that – yet still, I wake up feeling so incredibly tired. After telling my sister that the baby will be doubling in size this week (from .25″ to .5″), she reminded me that this could be the source of the exhaustion. As my baby goes through this big week of growing, she will require a lot of energy and strength from me. We’re both working hard this week.
Other than that, although probably as a result of that, I’ve been very emotional. At least once or twice a day, I feel tears well up in my eyes (some happy and some sad tears). I’m trying to pick my battles and make my main focus be on not getting riled up.
Today the baby is officially 7 weeks. We’re nearly at the 20% mark!