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My little buddy boy is having surgery tomorrow. It’s routine, but long, and requires general anesthesia. We’ve known about this procedure for awhile now, which clearly means that I have almost successfully been ignoring the impending date for months. With only hours left and pre-op prep beginning after nap, I’m anxious.

Hem Jan 2018I’m sure I’ve mentioned it – as if one wouldn’t guess it – but I’m an anxious person on a good day. Since having babies, said anxiety has hit borderline crazy person levels. So, I’m sure you can imagine the endless worry cycling through my mind. I keep wanting to tell myself, “you know that everything will be okay!” but do I? That’s where my head is at.

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I would say that 100% my biggest anxiety is in the anesthesia. I just want everything to go smoothly. Things will be okay. Little buddy, my sweet love, will be okay and this time tomorrow, we will hopefully be on our way back home. Easy peasy. Done and done.

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Still, I’m walking around as if constantly on the verge of panic or an emotional breakdown. Tight, tight chest. Totally useless mind. Constantly fidgeting body. Fighting tears. The good stuff. And, somehow it’s only 2pm.

Hem Dec 2017

If you’re in my inner circle, I love you, but don’t want to discuss aforementioned crazy thoughts. Just need to get a little weight off my heavy chest. And, rest assured, if Henry wakes early from his nap, he and I will be leaving work to get a yummy treat for him and a little retail therapy in for me.

Wish us luck, send us strength and keep us in your hearts. Thanks, all.

Cyst Removal Day

A few months ago, what looked to be a stye appeared on my eye. I ignored it In hopes that it would go away, but that sucker was persistent.


my old lady eye cyst

I decided to go to the doctor, who informed me that it was likely just a benine cyst and sent me to a plastic surgeon to have it removed.

Today was the big removal day.

When I went in for my initial exam, I asked the doctor for an anti-anxiety pill to get me through the door for my procedure. 

She laughed and denied my request.

So, very… VERY reluctantly, I showed up today, hubs in a very tight grip.

There was a needle that looked about 6 inches long laying on the table.

I started freaking out.

The doc came in and literally within 45 seconds of her being in the room, she stabbed my face (near my eyeball) with the needle. It was shocking but probably necessary. I definitely wouldn’t have ever been ready for that. 

While the feeling part was over (the needle was the local anesthetic), the anxiety wasn’t. This damn cyst was literally on the tip of my eye lid. So she had to cut into my eye. MY EYE!

I laid back and literally shut down. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t do anything. I just laid there squeezing Mark’s hand as the doctor sliced open my eye, yanked this thing out and sewed me back up. All the while, talking a million miles a minute about God knows what.

When we left, I was totally shaken. It all felt so fast and rough. My eye felt so puffy and the anesthetic was already wearing off. I was panicking. 

We had to go back to my office to pick up Charlie who was with my parents. 

Right when I got in (wearing my new uniform: sunglasses all day, every day), my parents came in to see how it went. 

I sent them away. 

I couldn’t talk about it or show my eye. 

I grabbed some ice to put on my eye. When I pulled it back, there was blood on the paper towel covering the ice.

Panic again.

Everyone left and I sat in my office and I let a few tears escape.

We had Charlie’s 9 month appointment in just a few minutes, but thankfully, we decided that Mark would take her and my parents would take me home.

I laid with my animals, with an ice pack bandaged to my face and just decompressed.

When Mark and Charlie got back an hour and a half later, I was feeling better… Mentally. My eye still hurts, but the shock of having someone mutilate my face has subsided.

Now, I’m just sitting waiting for my amazing hubby to return with Thai food and ice cream. The only way to end this day. 

Prepare yourself… My battle scar:

the goober wad is just vaseline to prevent scabbing or something like that… i wasnt listening.