I went to see grandpa this morning at 8 and when I arrived, the CNA, Judie, from his hospice care was there. She was washing his hair and giving him a shave, all without any acknowledgement from Grandpa. After she got Grandpa cleaned up, she called the nurse on the phone and said that she smelled a faint fruity smell on his breath and that gramps had a slight fever. When my parents arrived, she informed us that these were signs that Grandpa had started the active phase of dying. Her schedule was to be Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8 am; however, she did not seem confident that there would be anyone to see come Monday morning.

At around 10, we headed to work where we stayed for about an hour and a half. Then, we returned to visit Grandpa. When we arrived, Grandpa was not resting as peacefully as he had been that morning. His breathing was laced with moans, which we interpreted as him being in pain. We called the resident nurse who administered morphine. After about 45 minutes, Grandpa stopped moaning, and his breath became very shallow and deep. Around this time, the hospice nurse arrived.

She told us a lot of what we had heard that morning. This time, he had a couple more symptoms (the shallow breathing, some molding – I think that’s what it’s called, and a bit of sleep apnea – which he had the day before). We all sat around and Grandpa’s apnea seemed to get worse. He would take one quick breath and then would stop breathing for 10 seconds. Then a breath and another 18 seconds. And so on. Dad ran out to the car and I could see my mom start to look concerned. The time between breaths was getting longer. She went out to get my dad, leaving me sitting next to Grandpa thinking, “please take another breath, please take another breath.” Finally, dad came back in just as Grandpa gasped. Grandpa took two more breaths after that and was pronounced dead at 2:17 this afternoon.

Grandpa left this world with family by his side and surrounded with love, prayers and well wishes. I hope we made your journey a little easier, Grampy. Always. xo

9 months is here. Seems crazy… Just four short weeks to go until we meet our girl. Not sure I can get any bigger, but I’m sure my body will prove otherwise. If I hear anyone else tell me I look like I’m ready to pop or like I’m carrying twins, someone gets hurt. End of story.

Even under the weather, my hubs really pulled through this weekend. I can tell the poor guy just isn’t feeling well and despite that, he got our nursery set up! Walls are finished, chandelier assembled and installed, dimmer installed, dresser put together (minus the pieces that either came broken or we broke), the bookshelf from our Milly is built, crib is done, wall shelves are installed, and drapes are up.

I really owe him. It’s not like we HAD to get it all done this weekend. He knew it was just what I wanted.. And without complaint, he did it! Such an amazing man I married. And even better, we both really love it! Yes, even him! It’s the perfect space for our sweet baby girl.

Now, of course there is still more to do in terms of decorating and we do have to finish the dang doors, but the big stuff is all done!

What a weekend 🙂

Today’s baby bump direct from NYC where the hubs and I are celebrating our best Valentine’s Day yet! Lots of love. Xo

That was the best experience ever! All the details will come tomorrow, but for now, here’s our little lady nugget’s sweet face… Which I don’t even think looks creepy (surprise surprise… From a totally unbiased source)!

As of right now, we have not told anyone that there is a tiny, sesame-seed-sized baby growing inside of me.

If you don’t know me, I am that person you don’t want to confide in because of my inability to keep secrets private. It’s not that I like to gossip necessarily, it’s just that I get so darn excited. Literally, secrets boil up inside of me until they just kind of explode out. I once broke the news that a friend was pregnant to our entire office… with a jumping starburst. With arms and legs spread into the air, I screamed, “Jenna’s pregnant!” I can’t be blamed for that… right? I can only handle so much happiness and excitement before I must pass it on and share it with others.

So, my point… keeping this a secret is going to be very difficult.

At the same time, I am struggling with the best way to break the news, how the timing will map out, etc. And all the while, I’ve had about 25 moments in the past 2 days where I have nearly picked up the phone to call my mom and blurt out, “I’m pregnant.”  So, what should I do?

I’ve read so many blogs with cute ways to tell people and I just love the idea, but maybe I should just say, screw it… I could stop by my mom’s on the way out tonight and give her the news. I don’t want to slip and tell someone else before she finds out…

Decisions, decisions…

Symptoms

It feels as if I have been peeing every hour, so today, I decided to take a log of all bathroom breaks during my work day. I may or may not have skipped out of work early today, so in a mere 7.5 hours, I peed 7 times. Apparently it doesn’t just feel like I’m peeing every hour… I am peeing every hour. Other than that and my damn cold, I’m feeling great!

Also, as a side note, is it weird that during one of my seven bathroom outings today, I stood in front of the mirror and pushed out my stomach as far as I could and put my hands on it as if I were pregnant? Fine, I did it twice.

And what did I learn from this exercise? My only chance of being a cute little pregnant lady is if I gain in my belly only. Otherwise, I’m definitely going to look like a nesting doll.

This could be me in 6 months…