As I’m sure you’ve gathered, things have been a bit busy and keeping up with my blog hasn’t been as easy as I’d like. Between being swamped at work and juggling children and housework and life and everything at home, there just hasn’t been much time. I hope to play catch up soon.
Anyway, things in our world are really good. We have these amazing children. I mean, I literally can’t even. Charlotte has become such a little girl. Oh gosh is she sweet. I mean, she’s spicy as hell, too… but she’s so sweet. She loves hard. She’s SO amazing with Henry. The other day, she was watching “Lost in Oz” (super cute show) while I was making dinner. Henry was just outside of the kitchen in his bouncy seat. All of a sudden, without saying a word or even looking at me, she gets up, runs over to Henry and gives him a huge hug and kiss and then runs back to the couch and continues watching (all without any acknowledgement from me). It was just the most beautiful, genuine moment. It gives me flutters just thinking about it. What an incredible love this small child has for her brother and such love and admiration he has for his sister. Makes a momma proud.
Henry continues to be the sweetest little man there ever was. Like, legit, sweetest dude ever. His personality continues to evolve and he’s just an incredible, relaxed, loving, happy man. He LOVES to laugh. He watches Charlie with a laugh just waiting to come out as soon as she does anything. He gives these hugs and snuggles that just make my world brighter. He loves to dance and sing with mommy and loves to play. He’s also a total destructor. He’ll break the shit outta anything. Seriously though. Papers on the desk? Not anymore. Glasses on your face? Gotta go! You get the picture. Senor Destructor.
Last night H & C were eating dinner… Charlie in the high chair, Henry in the booster seat. Henry reached his hand out to Charlie and they just held hands, smiling at each other. MELT, MELT, MELT.
Through all the good, I will say, it’s been hard. It’s strange to say that because it’s literally so good. I’m SO happy, but it’s hard. With Charlotte, I felt like there was no real change in Mark and I. I mean, obviously we were different, but it didn’t feel hard on our relationship. And honestly, maybe I just don’t remember. But these first 8 months, while amazing and wonderful and great, they have also been hard. On each of us and on both of us. I feel like we are both working hard to get acclimated in this new chaotic world of extreme multi-tasking. Some days we totally win. We’re so good, pros. And some days, our exhaustion and overwhelmed feelings take over and one or both of us snaps a bit.
As with any huge life change, it takes adjustment.
I remember my sister telling me that the first year after her youngest was born was the hardest on her marriage and life and I totally get that. The change from 1 to 2 kids is significant. It’s a change that has catapulted my life to such incredible levels of happiness and love, but oh man is it significant.
I’m not sure if it’s some level of postpartum or the fact that this world gets scarier every day, but some days I literally have anxiety coming out of my eyeballs. That’s probably been the most difficult thing for me. I’ve always been a bit anxious, but oofta… it’s reached new levels. With so much love and such gifts in my life, there is just so much to lose, so much vulnerability. Those fears sometimes get the best of me. I’ve been opening up about these things lately and I feel like that’s helping me to let go a bit.
I feel like that’s way more Debbie Downer than I’m currently feeling (I’m actually in an overwhelmingly happy and grateful mood today), but I wanted to get it down in writing. I can feel that we’re totally on our way up, that I’m starting to gain back control of my crazy mind. Our winning days far outweigh our losing days. So, before I totally forget to document the groundbreaking fact that having kids is hard, here it is.